


The Reality of a Nightmare

by mental_Music1359



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ancestors as Parents (Homestuck), Best Friends, Humanstuck, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship(s), Secrets, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 08:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8971264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mental_Music1359/pseuds/mental_Music1359
Summary: Kurloz Makara's life is plagued by a nightmare that isn't so much a nightmare as it is a memory. He keeps it quiet from Kankri because he doesn't want him to be in any danger. Kankri is just dying to meet Kurloz's family and to have Kurloz meet his own family after three years of dating but Kurloz keeps refusing to do so until finally he gives in. He doesn't know how thing will go if Kankri meets his father and all he wants to do is keep Kanrki as far away from him as possible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So there is some violence in the very beginning of the story and I'll make sure to say if there is any more in the story as it goes on. I hope that people will enjoy this story because I have a lot of different ideas about what to do with it and if anyone has anything they would absolutely love to see please comment! I love getting feedback and getting lots of ideas to play with.  
> Also! I have a this head cannon that Kurloz can talk and he will only exclusively talk to Mituna and won't mutter one word to anyone else. For this story it comes in handy since he will only be speaking to Mituna about his past but he will be signing to everyone else like Kankri.

I watch horrified as the hands clamp around my mother’s neck and knowing the powerful force behind them belonged to my father. The horrible gasping sounds she is making, is something of nightmares and I couldn’t do anything to help her. My hands shook as I watch her eyes focus on me only to make strangled cries, her shaking arm reaches out to me and soon the eyes of my father are on me. I can feel my eyes widen as he looks at me with a smirk and with one brutal twist of his hands I can hear her neck snap from where I was standing. In the next second he is in front of me and I’m face to face with his, feet not touching the ground. I panic and grip his wrists tightly, he smirks at me and he’s trying to say something to me but I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe.

I sit up quickly clawing at my throat, gasping for a breath and panting. I look around wide eyed and I was shaking having no idea where I was or what we going on, where had he gone? I jump when a hand suddenly grips my arm, I just about jump off of the bed but I’m at the edge looking at the assailant wide eyed. The light switches on and I blink a few times until I actually see who it is, Kankri.

“Kurloz? Kurloz are you alright?” Kankri asks sleepily but worried nonetheless.

After a few seconds of figuring out that it was just a dream, a nightmare about the truth that had happened when I was a child. I look down at my hands for a few seconds trying to get the awful images out of my head. Kankri gently grips my hands in his own which makes me look up at him and realize I hadn’t answered him yet but he continues talking which is a relief.

“Kurloz, was it a nightmare? You’re so pale and sweaty. Was it really that bad? Would you like to talk about it?” He is about to continue but stops himself and watches me closely.

I just shake my head and slowly sign to Kankri, ‘I’m going to go take a shower, go back to sleep.’

Kankri starts to argue but I just hold up my hand and he goes quiet. I get up and head into the bathroom, closing the door behind myself and glance in the mirror, he was right, I am pale. I sigh and turn on the shower and after a few seconds of testing the temperature I undress and get into the shower. I take my time making sure to rinse the bad memories and nightmare away. I didn’t want to remember it anymore.

When the water starts to get cold is when I decide to get out. I turn off the water and dry off before wrapping the towel around my waist and head back into the bedroom and look at Kankri, he must have been exhausted to fall back asleep. I glance at the clock and see that it was almost three in the morning. I sigh and put on a clean pair of boxers before throwing the towel on the floor and crawling back into the bed, pulling Kankri closer, trying not to wake him. He yawns and rolls onto his side and presses his back against my chest. I sigh and kiss the back of his head and hold him close not want to let go of him ever. Things just felt better with the other around.

I must have fallen back to sleep because when I open my eyes I’m alone in bed. I yawn and sit up and look around the room. Everything was how I left it but the towel was picked up. I listen closely and I hear quiet clinking in the kitchen. I get up and quietly head out of the bedroom and toward the kitchen. Kankri has his back to me while he was cooking on the stove, the pot of coffee was brewed and a steaming cup sat on the island. I go up behind him and wrap my arms around his thin waist and kiss his cheek.

Kankri smiles at me warmly, “I was trying to be quiet so I didn’t wake you, I didn’t did I?” I shake my head and he continues, “I was going to make you breakfast in bed but since you are up now that doesn’t really matter.”

I smile and kiss him gently before ruffling his white hair and going into the living room and sitting down on the couch and turning on the news. I pick up my phone and check to see if I have any messages and I don’t which is a good thing. I set the phone down before getting up and pouring myself a cup of coffee and fixing it the way I like it.

Kankri puts a plate down in front of me with a smile before going and fixing his own plate. I go over and kiss Kankri’s neck gently before holding him close, setting my chin on shoulder. He looks at me and studies me for a few seconds before turning in my arms and wraps his arms around my neck, standing on his tippy toes.

“Kurloz? Are you going to be alright? You looked so scared about whatever it is you dreamt about. I’m still a little worried about you. And I just-”

I interrupt him by kissing him and picking him up and putting him on the counter. I smile gently at Kankri and sign, ‘Don’t worry about me, I’m fine I promise. It was just a nightmare.’

Just a nightmare, I can keep telling myself that but it isn’t really. It is just a memory, a horrible memory that I just wish I could forget and whenever I’m on the verge of forgetting it, it always comes up in my dreams. Nothing could get worse than being forced into remembering that. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and look at Kankri, he looks concerned.

‘I’m okay, I just zoned out is all. Plans for today?’ I ask changing the subject.

“Hm, well my father did invite us over for dinner tonight, that is if you finally want to go meet him.” Kankri smiles hopefully at me.

I sigh through my nose and rest my forehead against his shoulder for a few seconds before looking at him, ‘Do I really need to meet your dad? I’m fine with you never meeting my family.’

“Why? Are you ashamed of me?” Kankri says crossing his arms over his chest.

Shit, that was not how I meant it at all. ‘No, I just don’t want my family scaring you off.’

“Yeah, sure. Your family must just be that awful. I think you’re just ashamed of being with me since it’s been three years since we started dating and you’ve only met my brother and refuse to let me meet your family. I don’t understand why, unless you want to keep this relationship a secret. I think I’m going to go to Porrim’s today and talk with her about her upcoming wedding.” Kankri gets down from the counter, grabbing his plate and coffee.

I sigh and watch him go over to the table and sit down with a huff. I rub the back of my neck and know that if I were to try and argue with him about this it would only get worse and I would rather him just go vent to Porrim and hopefully she will set him straight, although I know she doesn’t like me. And I don’t like her boyfriend and nor does he like me. Ugh, greaser douchebag.

I sigh and grab my plate and coffee and sit down across from Kankri. I look at him before starting to eat. I gently rub my foot against his leg which causes him to blush lightly. I jump when he kicks me under the table, rubbing my calf gently, this was going to take a while before I was forgiven. I sigh and continue eating. I really didn’t know why Kankri wanted me to meet his parents so fucking bad. It’s not like I was usually well liked by parents, they usually found me creepy and too quiet. I don’t really care but I know Kankri’s dad has some influence over his head.

I finish my breakfast pretty fast and go over to the sink and starting the dishes. I glance over my shoulder at Kankri and he isn’t paying me any attention, instead he was texting, probably Porrim. After a few minutes Kankri puts his plate in the sink and announces that he’s going to go take a shower. I watch him go before going over and text Mituna to see if he was up.

‘Hey Tuna, you up yet?’

I don’t expect any answer anytime soon but within a few minutes my phone goes off from a text from him. ‘H3Y KURLY!! W4HT5 UP?’

I can’t help but chuckle silently and smile softly at the text, ‘You free today? I kinda need to talk, had that nightmare again.’

‘WH4T NGH1TM4RE?’  
‘0H! THE 03N WH1T Y0RU D4D. G0T 1T. 1LL C0M3 V03R.’

I smile relieved that I’ll have my best friend over. I really needed to relax and I knew he would help me since he knew everything about me and we have a relationship no one would understand. Mituna has been through a lot because of me and even had an accident that left him this way because of me and what I said to him. He knows that and always yells at me about it whenever I get down about it. I love Mituna like a brother and I’m glad he decided to stay with me through this.

I hear the bathroom door open and I get up and follow Kankri into the bathroom. “Kurloz, get out.” I shake my head and that causes him to look at me annoyed and causes him to sigh annoyed. “What do you want?”

I step close to Kankri and carefully wrap my arms around him and kiss his temple. He sighs and reluctantly hugging me back. I look down at him, “I’m sorry for overreacting but I just... I want to get to know your family and I want you to know mine as well. My family isn’t that bad just like I’m sure yours isn’t either.”

If he only knew. I nod and kisses his temple.’I’m sorry too. Go have fun at Porrim’s okay? Go relax and if you order Chinese food on your way home I’ll pay.’ I smile at him.

He chuckles and hugs me tighter. I’m glad it didn’t take him that long to forgive me but I still felt like I should make it up in some way. I kiss his temple before letting go and going to sit on the bed with a smirk.

Kankri blushes brightly, “I am not going to get dressed while you watch me! Out!”

I smirk and lean back on the bed. ‘Why, not like I haven’t seen you naked before.’

He huffs and pulls the towel tighter around himself. “Please get out. Please.”

I chuckle silently and get up and leave the room, the door closing the second I left the room. I shake my head and go and sit on the couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table. After a few seconds my phone buzzes, ‘1M L34V1GN 0NW.’

‘Okay.’ I respond and relax and start flipping through the channels.

A few seconds later Kankri appears holding his towel and I look at him, cocking an eyebrow. “Are you going to be okay if I leave? I won’t be gone that long.”

I wave my hand dismissively. ‘Don’t worry, Mituna is coming over. Just go have fun with your friends.’ I smile reassuringly at him.

“If you say so, you can come too if you’d like.” Kankri offers.

‘Tuna just told me he was on his way, next time I’ll come. Promise.’ I get up and go over to Kankri and kiss his forehead. ‘Go have fun and don’t forget to order Chinese.’

He starts to laugh and heads off, “I get it, you want Chinese food for dinner. Tomorrow though, I won’t be around for dinner, I’m going to my dad’s.”

I nod and head into the bedroom and get dressed. Kankri soon leaves and after a while Mituna arrives and I let him in. Latula smiles awkwardly and tells Mituna she’ll be back at three-thirty to pick him up which makes me sigh. She always thought she was in control of Mituna but she’s not. Mituna can still decide some things on his own. I close the door and lead him to the couch. I sigh and sit down and Mituna sits down and looks at the television.

“What’re we watching?” Mituna asks.

I shrug, “Some weird movie, haven’t really been watching it.”

Mituna turns to look at me seriously, “Do you have ice cream?” It wasn’t really a question but it makes me laugh.

“Course, chocolate, it’s in the freezer.” I gesture for him to go get it.

He whines, “It’s too fucking far!”

I sigh and get up and grab the ice cream and two spoons and return. I pull the cover off the ice cream and hand him a spoon. He immediately gets a huge scoop and shoves it into his mouth happily. He whines a few seconds later holding his head and yells brain freeze which makes me laugh hard.

“Maybe you should eat it slower then.” I smile and start eating the ice cream.

“But that’s no fun!” He whines and sticks out his tongue.

“So... Does Kanny know about your nightmares?” Mituna asks seriously, taking the ice cream away from me.

I frown slightly and shake my head, “I don’t want anything to happen to him... It’ll only make Kankri ask questions and it’ll make him really concerned and I don’t want to risk anything with him. He keeps asking to meet my dad and I just... I can’t risk it.” I sigh.

“Why does he want to fucking meet that fucking assmunching fuckbrain peice of fucking shit...” Mituna’s words start to become gibberish but I understand where he’s coming from. I put a hand on Mituna’s shoulder and take a deep breath and he soon does the same and seems to be calmer. Soon he tries again, “He’s a fucking murderous piece of shit. Are you going to let him meet him?”

I scratch the back of my neck, “He’s got me cornered after all, he says that I want the relationship to stay hidden and that I’m ashamed of him and blah blah blah. He also wants me to meet his dad and I just... I don’t know. People don’t really like me all that much.” I shrug not really caring if people did or not, but I knew Kankri cared about what his father had to say.

Mituna hugs me tight, “I love you, Kurloz! That’s all that matters.” 

I smile and hug him back, “Love you too, Tuna.” 

He looks at me and pulls back and eats some ice cream and says with a full mouth, “Maybe you should just go and meet him if it satisfies Kanny for a while. At least he won’t have to fucking keep going on about it.”

“Yeah, I probably should since I made him upset about it this morning...” I take the ice cream from Tuna and take a scoop for myself.

“Wanna talk about your dream?” Mituna looks at me cautiously.

I stiffen slightly and look down at the ice cream on my spoon for a few seconds before saying quietly, “Same dream as last time... But it’s like it’s getting more in detail... I felt like I couldn’t breath, that was new...” Mituna nods slightly before I continue, “I just... it was so bad, I... I wish I didn’t fucking see what happened, it was motherfucking awful.”

Mituna nods slightly. “I’m sorry Kurloz... Your fucking stupid fucking dad sucks. I mean, look what he did to me!” He accidentally throws ice cream onto the rug. “Fuck! God fucking dammit! Ugh!” He covers his face, “I can’t fucking do anything right! Fuck!”

“Tuna! It’s fine really. It doesn’t matter, I can clean it. Your fine.” I put my hand on his shoulder, gripping just enough to get him to look at me. “I’m sorry.” I get up and go and get some paper towels and a cleaner.

I start to clean it up with Mituna watching me, his knees pulled up to his chest and wonder if his moment of full clarity is gone or if he is just feeling miserable. I sigh softly and frown as I clean up the mess before throwing the paper towels in the trash and putting the cleaner back. I go and sit down and look at Tuna before pulling him close into my side. He gently grips the front of my shirt and sniffles slightly.

“Tuna? Are you alright?” I ask softly looking at the brown haired boy and he nods slightly. “You know it’s not your fault you got into the accident. I told you about what happened and my dad warned me not to and then the next thing I knew you were in the hospital and I was fucking terrified and my dad smirked when I told him about you so I knew it was him. I’m really really sorry about that Tuna, it’s all my fault.”

Tuna shakes his head and punches my chest gently, “Shut the fuck up! I don’t wanna talk about it.” After a few seconds of quiet between us he asks softly, “Does Kanny know?”

I look down at him, “Know what?”

“That you can actually talk or is that still a secret between us?” He whispers looking up at me.

I smile sadly, “Our secret still. I’m too scared of opening my mouth to anyone but you. You’re my best friend and you know everything about me and about my life. Things I’ll never be able to share with anyone else. I don’t want to fuck up with Kankri.” 

“But what if you do tell him?” Mituna continues to whisper.

“If I tell him I can talk then he’ll question everything about me. He’ll think I lied about everything.” I sigh and rub my forehead and run a hand absently through Mituna’s long brown hair which makes him smile.

“Just... Go see his dad, okay? Maybe he’ll drop the subject of family. Or! Or! Bring him by to meet me!” He grins, “I’m family!”

I laugh, “Tuna, he already knows you.”

“Oh, oh yeah.” His brow furrows in thought.

“I’ll go meet his dad, that’ll be interesting when he starts try to talk to me and I just sign. I doubt the man will know what the fuck I’m saying.” I chuckle softly, “Could be fun just to fuck with Kankri.”

Mituna starts to laugh. For the rest of the time he is there we watch a movie and talk about stupid, not serious shit. I can tell he needed this as much as I did. It was nice that I got him when he was still clear and not having a foggy brain. I miss my friend before the accident but I’m certainly glad that he is still around. I don’t know what I would have done if I were to of lost him. When Latula finally picks Mituna up, at first he doesn’t want to go with her but he eventually does, he tells me to follow through on my promises which makes me smile. I wave goodbye and go and crash on the couch again. I pick up my phone and look at it for a few seconds before messaging Kankri.

‘Hey, how’s things going? You still going to order chinese tonight?’ I send it to him and look at the television.

After a little while my phone buzzes and makes me jump, I had started to doze off, ‘Yes, I will 9rder the Chinese f99d. Y9u d9 n9t need t9 w9rry ab9ut it. Everything is fine here. H9w are y9u and Mituna d9ing?’

‘Mituna left a little bit ago but he says hi and he’s doing good. Know when you’ll be done with Porrim and the fucking greaser douchebag?’ I smirk at the message and know I’ll be getting a paragraph and if not a full lecture tonight but I just can’t stand that asshole.

‘Kurl9z Makara! Y9u kn9w that I d9 n9t appr9ve 9f the use 9f swear w9rds! It is very triggering and y9u sh9uld n9 6y n9w that I find it triggering. I think that if y9u were t9 c9ntinue t9 use such w9rds y9u w9uld 6e in the metaph9rical d9g h9use. Y9u will 6e f9rced t9 sleep 9n the c9uch and away fr9m me if y9u are t9 keep it up and I will als9 n9t 9rder the Chinese f99d that y9u want s9 desperately. I d9 n9t want it t9 c9me t9 that 6ut if y9u keep it up it will. Als9, y9u can 6e a 6it nicer t9 Cr9nus, I understand that y9u and him d9 n9t get al9ng 6ut y9u can 6e civil, after all y9u are a gr9wn up, are y9u n9t? Y9u are acting s9 childish 6y keeping up this feud with him. I have t9ld him the same. N9w, I s9uld 6e h9me 6y six-thirty at the latest.’

I smirk. It was all worth it, I could even make it worse but also make it more interesting by making him flustered but I decide not to because he was with Porrim and she has threatened me many times and once with a chainsaw so I know better than to fuck with her or Kankri. She is a crazy bitch sometimes but I appreciate how protective she is over Kankri, I get that completely because I’m the same way with Mituna.

I reply after a few seconds of thinking, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll try and refrain myself from swearing any longer. I’ll be here waiting for you to come back, probably take a nap or something.’

‘Yes, y9u sh9uld take a nap, y9u didn’t sleep t99 well last night. If y9u have an9ther nightmare like the 9ne y9u had last night d9 n9t 6e afraid t9 message me and tell me ab9ut it. Y9u can even tell me a69ut it n9w if y9u w9uld like.’

I sigh knowing that he was going to try and get me to tell him my nightmare. He always liked to talk about his nightmares with me and kept saying I shouldn’t be afraid to do the same but his nightmares aren’t like mine, mine are memories and his are just dreams and that’s all. I sigh and roll onto my side and look at the television.

‘I’m fine with keeping my nightmares to myself, thank you though. Message me when you are on your way back, okay?’

‘Alright. I still l9ve y9u Kurl9z.’

I smile slightly, ‘I still love you too Kankri.’

I end up drifting to sleep and am awaken by a knock on the door. I rub my eyes slightly and get up and go over to the door and open it. A woman carrying a brown paper bag holds out her hand, I instantly know it’s for the Chinese food, thank god he remembered.

“That’ll be $49.67.” She says shifting her weight from one side to the other.

I hold up a finger and go to the bedroom and grab my wallet and hand her $55. She takes it and hands me my food before walking away. I turn, closing the door with my foot and set the bag on the coffee table and grabbing my phone and looking at the message Kankri sent me. It takes a few seconds for my eyes to adjust to the bright screen but I check the timestamp and it was half an hour ago and it was longer than he said he would be back by. I shrug it off and turn on a couple of lights and look out the window down at the parking lot. I watch as his car pulls in after a couple of minutes and Kankri was grabbing some bags out of the back of the car before heading inside.

I go into the kitchen and get myself a drink before going and opening the door to find a surprised Kankri. He shuffles in as I take a drink and shut the door behind him.

“Sorry I’m late, I had to stop at the store and pick up a few things that I know that we are low on.” Kankri takes off his coat and shoes.

I stop him to give him a kiss before setting my drink down and starting to unpack the bags and put stuff away. He comes back in and looks at me, watching me put things away. I glance at him a few times and when I’m done I raise an eyebrow.

‘Porrim told me that I should threaten to break up with you but I don’t want to threaten you and I don’t want to break up. I just think that I’m frustrated with you at the moment but I am sure that it will pass. I’m sure that you get frustrated with me at times-” As he was talking I moved over to him and shut him up by pulling him close and kissing him.

He looks up at me silently when I pull away and then I sign to him, ‘I’ll come with you to meet your dad.’

I know that’s exactly what he wants to hear since I get the biggest hug from him and a giant smile on his face. “Thank you so much! I love you so very much! I can’t wait for him to meet you! He’s going to love you, I promise!”

I smile and gesture for him to go sit down and he does. He pull the Chinese food out of the bag and start eating, watching the news. After we finish Kankri cleans up and we watch a few movies before heading to bed. I pull him close, kissing his bare shoulder with a smile, I couldn’t be happier than this, my Kankri was so happy and comfortable and sleeping quietly, apart from the quiet snore which made me smile. I kiss behind his ear before closing my eyes and falling asleep myself, hoping not to have another nightmare.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kankri and Kurloz go to Kankri's dad's house and they sit down for dinner but everything goes wrong and it sends Kurloz into a small panic. Later on he ends up having a major panic attack because of something Kankri's father said about his family and about him. Mituna and Latula end up coming over and Mituna calms him down. 
> 
> Note: There are mentions of violence in this chapter.

After a long day of work I come home exhausted from the annoying day of bitching I had to go through. I sigh and come inside the apartment and the first thing I see is Kankri already dressed and ready to go with a smile on his face. He was obviously happy that I was going to be going with him to see his dad. I kick off my shoes and look over at Kankri who takes a deep breathe before starting to talk. 

“Okay, so I picked out a couple of things that would be considered acceptable at my father’s dinner tonight. I just want you to make a great impression, not that you won’t but my dad may judge you on your appearance without meaning to as well. So if you could go change we can go right now.” Kankri smiles happily.

I sigh and look at him tiredly, ‘I want to take a shower, I’m sweaty and disgusting. I’m sure your dad can wait while I shower.’

With that I turn and walk away, heading into the bathroom. I shower, cracking my neck and rolling my shoulders, the water felt so good. Once I was clean I turn off the shower and pick up my clothes, throwing them in the hamper as I passed and I go into the bedroom. I can hear Kankri pacing in the other room. I look at the clothes that Kankri had picked out, black jeans and a couple of shirts, a purple one that didn’t have anything on it and a black one that didn’t have anything on it. I sigh and pull on some boxers, the pants and the purple shirt with a black sweatshirt over it that had a bone pattern on it. I walk out of the bedroom and Kankri looks at me.

“Are you really going to wear that sweatshirt?” He raises an eyebrow. I look down at it confused, this was one of the best ones that I own. “Oh well, let’s just get going. I’ll drive.”

I go over to Kankri and tilt his chin up after he put one of his shoes on and gently kiss him. I smile softly and I sign, ‘Are you anxious? You seem like it.’

He takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around me, setting his head against my chest. I wrap my arms around him and he looks up at me, “I know I shouldn’t be nervous but you’re the first boyfriend that he is going to met. I just want everything to be perfect, you know?”

I don’t know but I nod anyways. My father’s never met anybody I’ve been in a relationship with nor will he ever. I don’t want him to meet Kankri and I wish Kankri would understand that but I’m sure that he doesn’t and won’t. Not that I could ever really explain it all to him.

I kiss his forehead and pull on my combat boots and keys and wallet. I open the door for Kankri and follow him out. I follow him down to his car and get into the passenger side and adjust the seat to accommodate for my long legs, of course he wanted a smaller car but this one is a little cramped for a guy my size, I’m 6’4” after all. Kankri starts the car and soon we are on our way to his father’s house, I look out the window, quietly mapping my way to the house. Kankri talks nervously about his day and doesn’t really notice that I’m not really listening. Soon we pull up to a small house that didn’t look all that great, but compared to what I grew up in, it’s small. I get out of the car and follow Kankri to the door. He opens it and I follow him inside.

“Dad?” Kankri calls as I hear clinking in the other room. Kankri takes off his shoes, which I follow suit, and his coat, hanging it up on the coat rack.

“I’m in the kitchen!” A voice calls from what must be the kitchen.

Kankri leads me into the kitchen and there is a man, a little taller than Kankri, leaning over a pot on the stove. I can’t help but wonder what it was that he was cooking. He soon turns around and if Kankri wasn’t albino he would look almost exactly like his dad. I shove my hands into my sweatshirt pockets as Kankri goes over and hugs him tightly before pulling back and gesturing to me.

“Dad, I want you to meet Kurloz, my boyfriend.” Kankri smiles warmly as he looks at me.

I wave awkwardly and he extends a hand to me which I take, “Hello Kurloz, I’ve been waiting to meet you for quite a while. I’m Carmine Vantas.” 

He smiles at me and I nod slightly, I know he’s waiting on me to say something but I won’t. My eyes drift to Kankri when I let go of Carmine’s hand. Kankri looks like he just remembered something.

“Oh Dad! I forgot to mention Kurloz is a mute.” Kankri comes over to stand by my side.

“Oh!” Carmine looks a little embarrassed, “Have you ever been able to talk?”

I cock an eyebrow at the man and look down at Kankri who looked embarrassed by the question. “Dad! That could be very triggering! You shouldn’t just randomly asking things like that!”

I gently set a hand on Kankri’s lower back and Carmine nods a little, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ask something like that, I wasn’t thinking.”

‘It’s fine. I could talk when I was younger but something happened and I just don’t talk to anyone anymore. It’s easier this way for me.’ I sign and Kankri looks shocked, he and I have never talked about this before and I’m sure he assumed I was this way from when I was born.

“You’ve never told me that...” Kankri says quietly with a small frown.

‘You never asked.’ I shrug.

“Never told you what?” Carmine asks confused.

“Oh, um, he said he could talk when he was younger but something happened and he stopped talking.” Kankri tells Carmine.

Carmine nods in thought as he processes the new information for a few seconds, “Would you like something to drink? I have soda, water, and milk.”

‘I’ll take a soda, don’t really care what kind.’ I sign looking at Kankri who nods.

“I’ll get them.” Kankri nods and goes into the fridge and pulls out the soda.

My attention is turned to Carmine, “Do you like spaghetti and meatballs? Because that’s what we are having for dinner.” I nod with a smile so he continues, “Oh good, I thought I would do something good but simple tonight.

Kankri comes over and hands me the glass of soda and I smile and wrap an arm around him to hold him close. I look around the kitchen, it was nice and small. I couldn’t help but compare it to my house which had a huge kitchen with our own personal chef and maids and groundskeepers and whatever else my father felt like we needed. I sigh almost silently through my nose.

“Is Karkat going to be joining us?” Kankri asks.

Carmine shakes his head, “No, he’s at his friend’s house. Although I wish that he was able to join us.”

Kankri nods a little before glancing at me before back at Carmine, “Is dinner almost ready?”

“Yes, do you want to set the table Kankri? I’m going to put the food into serving dishes.” Carmine smiles and heads over to the stove.

I stand back and watch the two set up for dinner, I felt bad I wasn’t doing anything but I didn’t know exactly what I could do to help. Kankri and Carmine soon finish with everything on the table and I sit down with them.

As everything is being passed around Carmine asks, “So Kurloz, what does your parents do for work?”

It takes me a second before I actually look up and across the table at Kankri who was watching me, obviously awaiting my answer. ‘My father owns a business and my mother died when I was younger.’ I pick up my fork and stir the sauce into the spaghetti. 

Kankri clears his throat, “His dad owns a business and his mother passed away when he was younger.” He had a sad look on his face, I always told Kankri that she died but I always refused to tell him how she died.

“Oh! I am very sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she wasn’t in a lot of pain.” The face of my mother struggling to breathe flashes inside my head and I nod slightly and he continues, “What business does your father own? I go to a lot of local businesses.”

‘Uh he owns Juggalo Inc.’ I take a bite of a meatball.

Kankri translates for me and Carmine’s face turns to one of furry, “You are a Makara?”

I nod hesitantly, did he know something about my family? Did my dad do something to him or something?”

“Get out of my house.” Carmine growls and I look confused.

“Dad!” Kankri yells.

Carmine holds up a hand to silence Kankri which it does. “You are not welcome here nor will you ever be. Now get out!”

Kankri goes to argue but I set my fork down and look at Kankri and quickly sign, ‘I understand, I’ll leave. Tell him I say thank you for the invitation but I will respect his wishes for me to leave.’

I stand up and Kankri does too. “Kurloz, I’m so sorry by my father rude behavior.” Kankri glares daggers at Carmine and I head to the door.

I can tell the two are arguing while I put on my boots and I open the door stepping outside onto the front, soon enough though Kankri is on the porch with me, “Kurloz wait!”

I turn and look at him, he looked angry and upset. I put my hand on his cheek with a sad smile, I know what’s going to happen next, I’ll see Kankri a little while later and he’ll be packing up his things because his father will convince him not to be with me anymore. He sets his hand over mine and he lets out a soft sigh.

“I swear, I’ll be home later, I want to talk to my dad and I swear after I do I will be home.” Kankri says hugging me tightly. “Do you want to take the car and I’ll call you and you can come pick me up or something?”

I shake my head, ‘I’ll walk, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine and if you want I’ll message you when I’m home.’

“Please do that.” Kankri nods and leans up.

I lean down and kiss him gently before letting go and watching him go inside. I sigh and run a hand through my long black hair and head back to the apartment. I go slow, my mind thinking about what could possibly be next for Kankri and I. I can’t help but wonder what the fuck Carmine was saying to Kankri, how much does that man even know? I’m a bit worried and itching to just text Tuna. I sigh and decide to stop at the store and get a six-pack of beer. I was going to need that for my nerves. My hands clench in my pockets as I walk home.

When I get home I take off my boots and throw my keys and wallet on the table. I pull a beer loose from the six-pack and turn on the television. I put it on some random movie and open the beer and start to drink. I sigh and put my feet up on the table and watch the show numbly, the memory of my mother coming back to me in waves, ugh why did he have to bring this up. It was stupid. I sigh and soon finish the beer. I get up and get another and turn to go sit down again but I grab the six-pack and bring it back to the couch.

By the time I finish my fifth beer Kankri walks through the door. I was feeling relaxed and nothing was really processing right now. He comes into the living room and looks at the empty cans on the counter. He frowns and sits down and stares at me concerned and extremely upset but it didn’t really interact with me well.

“Did you really drink all of these?” Kankri gestures to the cans. I nod and reach for the last one but he slaps my hand away. “No. You are going to bed and sleeping this off and then we are going to talk. You need to sober up, God why the hell did you have to get drunk!” He says frustrated. I reach out and he slaps my hand away and I look at him confused, he stands and pulls on my arm and I stand up, “Let’s go. We’re going to bed.”

Kankri leads me into the bedroom and unzips my sweatshirt before pulling the sheets down and pushing me gently onto the bed. I grab his wrist and pull him close but he pulls away and watches me. He then turns and leaves the room, shutting off the light and shut the door. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, I guess I was tired. I pull the blankets up and after a while I fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up with a headache. I rub my forehead with a soft, almost silent groan. I barely open my eyes to look at the empty spot beside me, Kankri must have had to work or something. I sigh and get up, rubbing the back of my neck, the sudden motion making me sick. I make my way to the bathroom and start to throw up.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” I hear a voice behind me in the doorway.

I glance over my shoulder and see Kankri leaning against the doorframe. He sighs and comes over to me and wets a washcloth and hands it to me. I take it and wipe my mouth only to throw up again a few seconds later. Ugh, I shouldn’t have drank so much. Kankri didn’t look too happy with me and I can’t blame him, I don’t remember much of last night. Kankri sighs and sits down next to me, rubbing my back gently.

“Can we talk?” Kankri asks gently.

Uh oh, not a good sign. I sign that I have a headache and I’m probably not going to be much for conversation right now. He just nods and gets up and leaves the room, coming back a few minutes later with water and some aspirin. I sigh and take the medication and drink some water. I close my eyes silently begging for it to kick in soon but then again I don’t want to discuss anything major with Kankri because I already know it’s not going to me good. I just have a bad feeling and it isn’t the hangover.

After a little bit I start to feel better and I lay down on the couch, Kankri sits in the chair which is strange. I definitely know something is off with him since he would be sitting here with me normally. But then again, I should have stopped at two beers since I knew he would probably want to talk about it. I don’t know why he hasn’t left me yet.

“Kurloz?” Kankri clears his throat, “Um, my dad said something... Something bad about your dad and his company and...” He stops. 

I sit up and look at him with a frown, my whole body goes ice cold. I watch him closely and didn’t know what to expect from him.

“He... He said your father was suspected of murder a really long time ago...” Kankri says softly.

I feel sick and I can’t look at Kankri anymore. I get up a rush into the bathroom sure that I was going to throw up.

“Kurloz?” Kankri calls worriedly and quickly follows after me. “Are you alright? Oh, you’re shaking. What do you need? I’ll get it for you.”

I was shaking? I look down at my hand and sure enough it was shaking. God dammit. I huff and pull my knees up to my chest and my head between my knees. I didn’t know what to say or what to do.

“Kurloz?” Kankri sits on his knees and puts a hand on my arm and unconsciously I flinch away. Why did I do that? Kankri pulls his hand back quickly and even though I’m not looking at him I know he’s very concerned about me. “Kurloz? Is that true?”

I feel like I can’t breath and I just want to fucking punch something. I can’t stop shaking, God how long is that going to go on for?

“Kurloz. You need to calm down, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trigger you.” Kankri says feeling helpless. “Please tell me what to do.”

God, how could Kankri’s dad of known that? In a shaky hand I sign, ‘What else did he tell you?’

Kankri sighs softly, “Kurloz, I don’t think I should continue. Not with you like this, there is something seriously wrong right now.”

‘Tell me now.’ I sign without looking at him, I needed to know.

In a soft voice Kankri tells me. “He told me that your dad was suspected of murdering your mom. He said that he’s rich enough to pay everyone off and got away with it. He said that his company runs on murders and helps the black market in every way it can. He also said that no matter what I shouldn’t trust you or your family because your whole family is beyond crazy. My dad said... He said you’d be just like your dad...” Kankri sighs softly and I feel a hand rest on my arm. “...Is that true?”

I tense up and my hands go into my hair, clenching it. I couldn’t focus on anything, was it true? Of course it was true but how did they know all this? It should be buried, it was buried a long time ago. Oh God, why the fuck was this happening? I feel the hand pull away, I can’t look at Kankri, not now.

“I’ll be back.” Kankri says softly and I hear him leave, his footsteps becoming silent. I heard him talking and I couldn’t help but feel panicked but I still can’t pull myself from the spot in the bathroom. He comes back into the bathroom a little bit later. We sit in silence, I stay the way I was when he left me, I couldn’t possibly move right now, if I did something bad was going to happen. After what seemed like hours there was banging on the door. I hear Kankri get up and leave the room when all I wanted to do was tell him to stay and not answer the door.

I hear talking and pretty soon I hear someone come in, they almost sounded clumsy. The person crouches in front of my and I still don’t look up. They put their hands over mine and I look up wide eyed to see a worried looking Mituna. He sighs softly and wraps his arms around me tightly and I can’t help but tense up but he doesn’t let go.

“M-M-Mituna...” I whisper but he puts a hand gently over my mouth before wiping tears away that I never knew were falling. 

He sighs softly and stands, putting his hands on my shoulders, pulling me up and I let him. I follow him into the bedroom and he closes the door. He leads me to the bedroom and he sits me down on the bed and gently takes my face in his before hugging me tightly.

“Everythings okay Kurly...” He whispers and I slowly wrap my arms around him. “Promise...”

I burry my face into his shoulder, gripping the back of his sweatshirt, God this is pathetic. He holds me while I cry and eventually we shift further onto the bed, his back against the headboard and my head in his lap as he runs his hand through my hair. I was glad he showed up because I really needed him and I didn’t even know that I did. After a little while I end up falling asleep after he helps me relax a little bit more.

I wake up to whispers but I don’t open my eyes I just listen quietly, Mituna still running his hands through my hair as he says, “Yeah... sometimes.” I can’t help but wonder what they are talking about.

“How do you calm him down so quickly?” Kankri asks.

I can almost see Mituna just shrug, “Just do.”

“Yeah, Tuna and Kurloz have this weird connection.” Latula says.

After a few minutes of quiet I hear Kankri ask softly, “Is it true?”

“What?” Mituna asks genuinely confused.

“Uh, that stuff about his father.” Kankri says equally soft.

The hand stops for a moment from moving in my hair, “Just don’t fucking talk about it.”

“Tuna.” Latula says with a sigh, “Look Kanny, both are defensive about Kurloz’s path, you won’t get shit from either one about that. I mean, I get the past is the past but just forget what you heard, probably ain’t true. Just rumors and shit. From my experience, Kurloz’s dad is just really cold and mean, he was probably abusive-”

“I said shut the fuck up!” Mituna just about yells and everyone falls silent.

Mituna huffs and continues to run his hands through my hair but I can tell he’s more annoyed by the movements being a bit rough. I nuzzle into his lap a little, glad he was trying to defend me in someway from the views of others and I was even more glad that Latula was trying to get Kankri to forget but my past. I always thought Latula didn’t like me all that much but she must pity me a little right now. 

After a while I open my eyes and look up at Tuna and he looks absentmindedly at the wall on the other side of the room, he looked exhausted. I poke his knee gently a couple of times before he looks down at me. He gently pokes my forehead, sticking out his tongue. After a few more seconds I look around and see that we are alone again. I sit up and rub my eye tiredly before looking at Mituna. 

He signs to me, ‘Kankri shouldn’t be digging into your past anymore, okay?’ He messes some signs up but I appreciate the attempt he made and understand what he was trying to say to me. 

‘Where are the others?’ I ask almost hesitant.

He points to the wall, so he means in the other room. I move closer to Mituna and hug him tightly. I get up and he follows me out to the living room. Both Kankri and Latula are asleep on each half of the couch with the television on. I look at the clock which read 2:39 in the morning. I sigh and go and gently pick up Kankri and bring him into the bedroom and lay him on the bed. I go back out and see Mituna rubbing Latula’s leg and she wakes up a little disorientated.

“Huh?” She sits up slightly.

She looks at Mituna before looking at me with a yawn. I sign for her to stand up and she slowly does not sure what was going on and Mituna stands next to her. I pull the coffee table away and turn the sofa into the bed. I grab some pillows from the closet and set them on one end of the sofa bed. Mituna comes over to me and hugs me tightly.

“See you in the morning.” Mituna says sleepily before plopping down on the bed after grabbing a nearby blanket.

Latula comes over and hugs me, which is a surprise and says, “I hope your feelin’ better. Thanks Kurloz.”

I nod as she turns away and heads to the bed, I turn out the light and head back to the bedroom. I move Kankri slightly so that I can put him under the covers and he wakes up slightly and reaches out to grab me. I gently take his hand and kiss the back of it before letting go. I get into bed with him and he rolls over and cuddles up to me, whispering that he was sorry, so sorry, I quietly put a finger over his lips and kiss his forehead. I set my forehead against his and close my eyes, holding him close until I fall asleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurloz gets into a fight with someone.

Kankri hadn’t mentioned much about my past and I was so happy that he decided to drop the topic all together. But when one topic disappears another one takes it’s place. Kankri has been bugging me about going to Porrim and Cronus’s wedding and although I really don’t want to go, I will for him. Although the wedding is in a couple of days, Kankri is dragging me to the dress rehearsal and I really wish he would just let me stay home, but of course he doesn’t want me to be alone and he doesn’t want to be alone. Kankri hasn’t been wanting to leave me alone much since he saw my last panic attack and I was kind of surprised he told me that morning that we were never going to talk about anything that brought that on. I am so grateful about that and I’m even more grateful that he is so kind.

Currently I’m sitting in the car, waiting for Kankri to come out of the store. He was looking for something to give Porrim or whatever. I decided to stay in the car, which was probably the wrong decision since he’s been in there for fifteen minutes. I sigh and fiddle with the radio for a few seconds before pulling out my phone and starting to play a game. After about five more minutes Kankri comes out of the store with two bags and he gets into the car and I close my phone.

‘What took you so long?’ I sign to him when he looks at me.

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t find anything I liked, but I got some snacks and I got you one of those energy drink things you like.” Kankri digs through the bag and pulls out a can and hands it to me. I kiss his cheek and pop it open and take a sip, “So, I found a nice card for the two though. We should try and find a better gift to go with it then the dish set we got them.”

I nod and he pushes the bags into the back seat. We then head off to where the rehearsal was being held. When we pull up to the building, the lights are on and there’s some cars in the parking lot. I take a bag that I’m handed and I follow Kankri inside, seeing a few people. I immediately felt out of place. People came up and started talking to Kankri and I just went and found a seat.

After a few minutes Kankri comes over to me with a confused look on his face, “What’s the matter?”

‘Nothing, just don’t really talk to any of them very much and I know must of them probably don’t like me. I’m staying out of everyone’s way.’ I shrug.

Kankri frowns and kisses my forehead, “They like you, they just aren’t sure of how to interact with you. This won’t take that long and then we’ll go out to dinner or something. I promise.” 

I nod and take Kankri’s hand, kissing the back of it. He smiles and heads off to go find Porrim. I watch some of the people. Eventually Porrim comes out of wherever she was and the wedding rehearsal starts. I watch everyone, Porrim making them do it over and over and over again and one more time until it was absolutely perfect. It was going to be a nice ceremony, but I still hate weddings, they are just so boring. At the end of the last run through Porrim comes over to me.

“What did you think of that run through, you’ve been watching and I know you’re good at observing things and catching any mistakes.” Porrim asks observing everyone as they talked amongst each other.

I hold up a thumbs up and she grins, I was even surprised when she hugs me. “You’re coming to the wedding tomorrow? I don’t want my Kanny to be stuck alone and feeling out of place. And I know you might feel that way to, but just try to get along with everyone.”

I nod slowly, Kankri must have told her and that’s why she is probably being so nice to me. She smiles and walks away and slowly people start to disperse. Eventually Kankri and Porrim get into a deep conversation and instead of listening Cronus comes over to me to talk. He sits down and looks at me for a few seconds before looking at Porrim and Kankri.

“Ya know, they sure are a pair. Once they get talkin’ that’s it. They could probably go on for hours at a time.” Cronus smirked and looks at me mischievously, which makes me cock my eyebrow at him, “Kankri’s got a big mouth don’t he?”

I shrug, I mean at times yes, but I always enjoyed listening to him talk, he was always interesting and always had something to say. But whatever he had to say was him always trying to be kind, I’ve only heard the guy cuss once or twice in the many years I’ve known him.

Cronus continues still brandishing that smirk, “I bet he can use that mouth for other things with that mouth. I mean, I bet he can take a lot inta that mouth.” I give him a warning look as my hands clench but he ignores it, “Man, I bet he’s real good at that shit. I’d love to have his mouth around my dick. I mean, I bet he’s great at it.” He smirks and leans closer, “I bet he’s nice and tight too. Man, he’s one peice of ass I wish I could fu-”

That was the last straw before I deck the guy. I was beyond pissed and I was focused on kicking Cronus’s ass. Cronus was not going to get away with even talking about Kankri like that. I want to kill him. Cronus was on the ground and I was on top of Cronus is a flash, punching his face. There was blood and I feel the crunch as his nose breaks. I’m honestly surprised when Cronus punches me in the face, it was enough that he got in another blow before I punch him again. 

It soon occurs to me that there’s yelling and soon I feel hands on my arm and I go to punch whoever was grabbing at me but stop seeing that it was Kankri. I can’t help but feel guilty about almost hitting Kankri and I let him pull me off of Cronus who sits up holding his face.

“God dammit!” Porrim yells crouching by Cronus and trying the see his wounds.

“What the heck happened?” Kankri yells at me, “Why the heck did you just attack Cronus for?”

I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt, ‘I didn’t-’

Kankri swats my hands obviously not wanting to hear it. He goes over to Cronus to see if he was okay and I felt my heart break a little. I look down, putting a hand against my lip and pulls away, looking at the blood on my fingers. I run my tongue over my split lip as I stand up.

Porrim comes over and grabs me by my shirt as she yells, “Don’t you fucking dare show up at my wedding. If I see you there I will fucking kill you. God, how could I have been nice to a creep like you.” She pushes me back.

I glances at Kankri who was frowning and leave the room, heading outside. I couldn’t help but wish that it was darker out. I cross my arms as I sit on the stairs, waiting for Kankri. I sigh and run a hand through my hair, I wasn’t sorry for beating up Cronus, I will never be sorry, not after what he said. I can’t help but feel like I should have told Kankri what he said, but he also didn’t want to talk to me obviously.

After an hour Kankri comes out with Porrim and Cronus, who had obviously cleaned himself up a little. Cronus and Porrim both glare at me as Kankri follows them to their car. Kankri waits for them to drive off before coming over to me, he doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t even really come over to me, he just passes in front of me.

“Get in the car.” Kankri says, heading over to it.

I get up and follow Kankri to the car but close the door he was trying to open. He spins to look at me, a mix of emotions on his face, but the one that stood out was anger. He opens his mouth to say something but I put my hand over his mouth. He tries to pull it off but I don’t let him. I finally remove my hand when he’s done struggling and he looks even more ticked off.

‘Can I please explain now?’ I sign to him.

“I’ve already heard what happened Kurloz. Just get in the car.” Kankri crosses his arms over his chest. 

‘You haven’t heard the real story then because you wouldn’t be so pissed at me.’ I say staring him down.

“Get in the car.” Kankri says firmly.

I shake my head and he tries to open the door again but I close it. ‘You said I attacked him? I didn’t. Not really anyways. He -’

Kankri turns away from me and I sigh deeply. I turn, shaking my head, and just walk away. After a few seconds I hear Kankri calling after me but I don’t stop to listen to him, why would I when he wouldn’t even listen to me. I shove my hands into my pockets as I walk, I don’t know exactly where I’m going but I’ll find out eventually. That place just happens to be the park, I ignore everyone but stop when I see someone selling weed. It takes me a few seconds to decide but I go over and buy some. I head over to the swing set and light up the joint that I just bought, smoking it slowly. It’s been years since I last got high and I was starting to remember why I like it so much, it helped dull the pain.

I push myself slowly with my feet and watch the people milling about the park. I watch the sun set and the stars come out. I always like the dark, there was some beautiful things that can be seen but then again, you never know what’s hiding in the dark. I pull out my phone to check the time, it was 9:30. But I also noticed I had some missed text messages from Kankri. They were mostly ‘where are you?’ and ‘are you okay?’ texts. I ignore them all. I couldn’t decide if I should head home or if I should stay out all night, or if I should ask Mituna if I could crash at his place for the night.

I eventually get up and start walking around the park to the small pond and I sit out by it with a sigh. I glance around, I was completely alone. I rub the side of my face and wince slightly, Cronus had managed to hit my cheek hard, probably left a bruise. Oh well.

“Stupid motherfucker. I should have beat that moron to a pulp. Ugh, if Kankri only knew what the fuck he even said to me.” I mutter under my breath. “Fucking idiots, all of them.”

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, I had to go home and get some sleep, I had work tomorrow. I sigh and get up and head home, taking my time. When I finally got to the apartment, I see a light is on. I sigh and head inside. I unlock the door and kick off my shoes quietly. I look into the living room to see Kankri curled up in a chair, his phone on the arm of the chair. I take off my coat and go and carefully pick Kankri up so that I don’t wake him and bring him to the bedroom. He doesn’t wake up which I’m thankful for. I turn off the bedroom light and go sleep on the couch.

In the morning I feel something flick my forehead. I wake up, rubbing it confused until I see Kankri standing there looking upset and pissed off. “What time did you get home? You couldn’t bother to send me a text? I was waiting for you all night and I wake up confused and see you on the couch. I was so worried Kurloz!” 

I sigh and pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time, five o’clock. I sit up, rubbing the back of my neck before standing up and going into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and starting the shower.

“Kurloz? Don’t ignore me!” Kankri yells after me.

I take a shower, letting the warm water wash over my aching neck. I really didn’t want to get into anything with Kankri, not this morning anyways. I was still pissed and hurt about yesterday, he can just ignore everything but that’s not how life works. If you just ignore something, it doesn’t go away, it just makes it worse. I get out of the shower and head into the bedroom, Kankri sitting angrily on the bed. I don’t really look at him as I start to get dressed.

I stop though when I feel a pillow hit my back, I turn to look at him. “You’re such a jerk.” I stare at him for a few seconds before going over to him and grabbing both of his wrists. I stare at him still and he just stared back. “Both Porrim and Cronus said you were crazy and I shouldn’t trust you. They said you’d turn on me.” 

I squeeze his wrists just a tiny bit before pulling him off the bed and gesturing for the door. Kankri looked at me shocked before I sign, ‘Your so scared of me then leave. I’m not forcing you to do anything, besides have I ever given you one fucking reason for you not to trust me? Have I ever given you a fucking reason to believe that I would fucking hurt you?’ I was pissed now. ‘Do you think I give a single fuck what those motherfuckers say about me when I’m not fucking there? No. The only person I fucking care about in the situation is you. You think I would have fucking punched Cronus without a good fucking reason? He was talking about how much he wanted you to blow him and how badly he wishes he could fuck you. You really fucking want me to just sit there next time he fucking says shit like that? Fine! But I’m not going to listen to you about that. It’s fucking bullshit what he fucking said to me. If you’re going to keep fucking threatening to leave me, stop threatening and just fucking do it! If I should stop loving you, just fucking tell me.’

He looks like he was going to start crying and I just watch him. After a few more seconds he does, hands going to cover his face as he did. I sigh softly and wrap an arm around him, making it so he can easily get out if he wanted to. I didn’t know what he was hurt about but I knew he needed a hug right now. He buries his face into my chest and I wrap both arms around him. His arms going around me tightly. After a few minutes he pulls back sniffling.

“I-I don’t want to leave you...” Kankri rubs at his eyes.

‘Alright then, you have to stop threatening it.’ I sign before wiping his eyes. ‘It hurts when you say that.’

“I’m sorry Kurloz... I’m sorry I was being so mean to you.” Kankri sniffles.

I kiss his forehead gently before looking at him again, ‘Just relax, okay? I have to work, are you going to be okay?’

Kankri hesitates, “Is it true?” I tilt my head confused and he whispers, “What Cronus was talking about.”

I frown and nod slightly, ‘I wasn’t going to let him say anything bad about you and get away with it. I love you too much Kankri Vantas.’

Kankri nods slightly and hugs me tightly, “I’m sorry Kurloz, I really am. Just... Please come home after work?”

I nod and he lets me finish getting ready for work, I kiss him a few times before I leave, making sure that he would be fine without me. I hated my job, I didn’t really need it anyways, not with the allowance I get from my dad anyway. But I still do it just for the sake of seeming normal to Kankri, I’ve never even told him that I’m rich through my dad.

When I get home from work Kankri was cooking a stir fry for dinner. I take off my shoes and smile going over to him and kiss his temple. He looks back at me before turning around and hugging me tightly. I look over at the stir fry, reaching in and grabbing a cooked shrimp and blow on it before eating it. Kankri frowns slightly and puts the lid on the pan.

“It’s almost done, you can wait.” Kankri looks back at me before shooing me off. 

I go into the living room and sit down, relaxing and rolling my shoulders. It was a long day, I watch Kankri out of the corner of my eye, he was puttering around the kitchen, going back and forth then stopping. He had something on his mind, he didn’t have to say anything, I could tell that just from his movements. I turn to look over at him, he has his back to me. When he turns around he has two bowls and brings me one, sitting down. I take the bowl before squeezing his thigh.

“Hm?” Kankri takes a bite before looking at me.

‘What’s on your mind?’ I sign to him and he sighs.

“Everything... I don’t know whether or not I should tell Porrim about your side, I don’t know if she’ll get mad and hate me for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I do tell her then it might ruin Porrim and Cronus’s relationship. I don’t know what to do. I still feel guilty about this morning, I feel guilty about not giving you a chance to tell me what happened... I’m so sorry Kurloz.” Kankri sets his bowl down.

I do the same and I pull Kankri into my lap, letting him lay his head against my shoulder. I hold his hand for a few seconds before kissing the back of it. When I look at him, all I see is his own sadness. I sigh softly and kiss him gently, he slowly kisses back. When I pull back to look at him, he is staring up at me. I kiss both his cheeks before resting my forehead against his. I look into the red eyes before kissing him again and I hold him close.

He pulls back enough so that he could talk, “Are we going to be okay?”

I nod and kiss his cheek, I wanted us to be okay and by him asking I can tell he does too. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to make him happy and I want us to be happy together. Kankri is my world and if I could tell him that I would. I take both his hands in mine and kiss both of them before looking down at him. He brings on of my hands up to his mouth and gently kisses it before looking up at me. After a few seconds I grab both of our bowls and hand his to him. I wrap an arm around his waist and start eating mine, after a second he begins to eat his.

When we are both finished I gently move Kankri off my lap and get up, going into the kitchen. I start to clean up whatever was left, putting the leftovers into the fridge before washing the dishes. I start thinking about my day as I wash the dishes and I soon feel thin arms wrap around my waist and I smile looking back at Kankri.

“I missed you, I didn’t want you to leave this morning.” Kankri says softly and holds me tightly.

I grab the towel and dry my hands off. I look down at Kankri and lift him up onto the counter, kissing his cheek. ‘I didn’t want to leave you either.’ I sign to him, taking his hand.

Kankri pulls me closer and wraps his legs around my waist hesitantly, “Do you have to work tomorrow?”

I shake my head, ‘I’m all yours.’

“Good.” Kankri smiles, kissing both of my cheeks before my mouth.

I gladly kiss back for a few seconds before pulling back to look at him, ‘I’m always going to be yours.’

“I know.” He smiles softly as he hugs me close.

I smile softly, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his neck gently. Kankri shivers and gently pushes me away, just enough so I can look at him. I already know what he wants to say before he says it.

“Not tonight, okay? I’m... I’m just tired.” He sighs softly and I nod.

I kiss his forehead and glance at the dishes before picking him up and bringing him into the bedroom and laying him down. He smiles up at me and I kiss his cheek. There was nothing better than his smile, especially when it was genuine. I loved this man more than anything and I would do anything for him.

I lay down next to Kankri on his other side on my back and he immediately rolls onto his side and gets as close as he could. I rub his back gently and stare up at the ceiling with a faint smile thinking about past memories I had with Kankri.

“Kurloz?” I hear him ask softly and I look down at him. “What are you thinking about?”

‘Remember when you and I started hanging out because our brothers were always spending time together and we were watching a movie one time and your brother came into the room. I remember him telling us to ‘just kiss or something.’ Your face got so red at that, it was kind of funny.’ I smile looking at the love of my life.

Kankri blushes slightly and nods with a slight smile, “Yes, I remember. It was the first time I ever told him I had a crush on you and after that I stopped talking to him about it completely because he wouldn’t stop teasing me about it, but then again I used to tease him about his crushes as well I suppose.”

I smile and from that point on we talked about our memories of each other, the good and the bad. With me though, I knew I hung out with people Kankri wouldn’t come near in a million years, I was getting into a lot of drugs and constantly. I also wouldn’t have gone near his friends very often, but I never really cared about who I hung out with as long as they were good company.

When Kankri ends up falling asleep, I watch him for a few seconds before kissing his forehead and closing my own eyes to relax. After a while I relax enough to fall asleep, holding Kankri close.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of violence in this chapter and Kurloz's dad is crazy.

I thought I’d do something nice for Kankri seeings that he was stressed out and upset for the past few days since the wedding so I was thinking of all the things that I could do for him. I had just gotten out of work and I went to the store and purchased some flowers and his favorite snacks. When I get out of the store, I glance around feeling like something was off and I couldn’t exactly tell what.

Someone bumps into me and I watch them go, thinking about how rude that was when I feel hand go to my shoulder and I look at the man standing next to me. He looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place where I knew him from. I brush his hand off my shoulder, looking at him annoyed. A black car drives up and parks in front of us.

“Your father is requesting to see you. You can come the easy way or the hard, I don’t mind which one you choose.” The man, who now I remember is one of my father’s servants.

The pit of my stomach goes ice cold and my grip on the flowers tightens, probably breaking the stems. I felt sick to my stomach and I shake my head, I knew I shouldn’t do it but I did anyway. The man chuckles darkly and puts his hand back on my shoulder, tightly squeezing it as he gets closer and I feel something hard press against my side, just below my rib. I swallow hard and look at the man.

“That is the barrel of a gun pressed into you and yes it is loaded. Get in the car.” My father’s servant says firmly.

I allow him to move me towards the car and he pushes me into it before getting into the back himself and the car takes off. I sit back in my seat and stare out the window for a few seconds before pulling out my phone but it’s ripped away and passed up front to be put in the glove box. I huff annoyed and sit back. If they were to go by my apartment I can jump out of the car, pull up the lock, push the door open and jump. It wasn’t something I was scared to do if that meant I wouldn’t see my father and I could go see Kankri and get him somewhere safe.

As if the servant could see the wheels turning in my head, he smiles sadly, “If you try anything we are to go and hurt the ones you love.”

‘Hurt the ones I love?’ Was he talking about Mituna and Kankri, how did my father know that I was even in a relationship? I was starting to freak out but I tried to keep it on the inside, gripping the flowers tightly as I watched the buildings go by, twisting the flowers slightly as I see my apartment building coming up. It must have pissed the man off before he tore the flowers out of my hand and threw them out the open window. I twist in my seat just in time to see them run over. I look at the man angrily and punch him but he pulls out the gun and points it at me and I stop. 

I sit back in the seat, keeping to myself and stare out the window again, dying to just get out of the car. I clench my hands then unclench them, going back and forth for a while. I felt sicker and sicker every mile closer to my childhood home. Soon enough we pull up to the house and I felt frozen but I force myself to get out of the car and head inside, following behind a servant as another follows me.

When I get inside I look around, glancing into the living room before I’m guided to my father’s study. My father was lounging on the couch with a cigar resting between his fingers, smoking it casually. He looks at me when I enter and he smiles at me, but it’s not a kind smile, it’s one that made me feel like I had a knife twisting in my gut.

“Shut the door.” He says and I do before going and sitting down across from him. After a few seconds of just watching me he smirks, “What? You aren’t glad to see me?”

I shrug and sit back on the couch, watching the man in front of me. I look a lot like my dad and I know that, I don’t exactly like it and can hardly look in the mirror at times. I’m too frightened about becoming him that I have so many checks to make sure that I’m not going to be like him. I have Mituna for instance, he is always trying to keep me in check and can soothe me quickly. I can’t become this man, it would be too horrible.

“Ah, come on Motherfucker, I know you can speak.” He smirks, “I know why you don’t talk and that makes you a good boy.” I felt sick to my stomach by the complement. “Anyways, you know why I wanted you to come here?” I shake my head, praying that I was wrong. “Well, I heard from Cronus Ampora that you’re dating someone.” He chuckles at the look of shock on my face, I was going to kill that stupid motherfucker, how could he do this.

‘He’s such a liar.’ I sign with a frown.

“You know I don’t know what the fuck you are saying, just speak.” He smirks, “I must say, I’m glad your vow of silence hasn’t stopped yet. Must be bugging the fuck out of you, not being able to talk to whatever the fuck that motherfucker’s name is that you’re dating.”

I sigh quietly through my nose, “He’s lying.”

“Ah, there’s that voice of yours.” He stands, taking a drag of his cigar as he comes over to me, going around me before putting a hand on my shoulder and I tense. “I know he’s not. Why would he be? He told me you kicked his ass in because he was talking to your boytoy.” He smirked, squeezing my shoulder slightly. “Congratulations kid, kicking in an Ampora’s ass with easy.” He comes around and grips my chin, examining the light bruise, “But you need to work on fighting boy. You may have gotten a lot of damage in on that motherfucker’s face but you could have done a lot more. Ya should have.”

“That didn’t happen.” I say dully.

“How’d you get the bruise then?” He smirks pushing me slightly.

“Fight club.” I say crossing my arms over my chest.

“Uh huh. Get up.” He commands and after a few seconds I stand up, looking at him. He circles me before chuckling, “You haven’t been in a fight since you were in high school. Fight club.” He laughs, “Stop your lying and this will go so much smoother.” He looks down at me. “What’s the name of the motherfucker you’re dating.”

I shrug, “I’m not dating anyone.” 

He sigh with a smirk. He pushes me back down before taking a drag of his cigar before putting it out. I watch him and he leaves the room, a few seconds later a few servants come in, grabbing me by the arms and dragging me out of the room. I try to fight them but they only hold tighter and next thing I know I feel a gun is pressed into my spine. I give up fighting with a sigh and allow them to bring me down to the basement. I frown when I see a chair just sitting in the middle of the room.

“You have got to be kidding me...” I whisper under my breathe.

The servants sit me down and tie me tightly to the chair. My wrists, ankles, abdomen, and thighs were tied tightly to the chair so that I couldn’t move an inch, I couldn’t even think about moving. I would have been panicking but I couldn’t give my father the satisfaction so I kept trying to push it down. I swallow hard as I watch the servants go, leaving me alone. I look around, somewhere in the basement was coming a dim light, my eyes taking time to adjust. They must have cleared away some things because last I remembered this place was cluttered with a bunch of shit and boxes.

When the light comes on I blink a few times and I hear someone coming down the stairs. I look towards the stairs and see my dad coming down the stairs. He comes over to me, walking around me slowly. I frown but don’t say anything and I can tell he is taking some kind of amusement out of this. I grit my teeth to keep from saying anything.

“You’re in a whole mess of trouble.” He smirks stopping in front of me. “I want answers and you're going to give them to me.”

“Or what.” I instantly regret saying it.

He comes closer and I gasp, the breath being stolen from my lungs when he punches me in the stomach. “Or you’ll keep gettin’ motherfucking beaten.” 

I pant trying to catch my breath, “Fuck...”

He observes me for a few moments. “Now. Who the fuck are you fucking?”

I glare at him, “Fuck you.”

He punches me in the face, my nose breaking and blood spilling from it. From the force of the blow the chair was knocked over and he has to sit it and me back up. I press my nose into my shoulder gently, biting my lip hard.

“Try again.” He growls.

I look at him and after a few seconds I say, “Kankri... His name is Kankri.”

My dad nods a couple times, contemplating the name, “What does he know?”

“Nothing.” I say with a sigh.

He doesn’t seem to like this question since he punches me in the face again. This time it makes me cry out and it makes him smirk. He gives me a few seconds to recover, I hang my head, wishing to just be cut loose.

“No, he knows something.” He says angrily.

“No, he doesn’t. I’m too fucking scared to tell him shit. Especially after what you did to Mituna.” I say softly. “I know what you’re capable of...”

“You don’t know shit. But if ya tell that boy anything then I’ll gut him while you watch instead of him having an accident.” He says, eyeing me.

I look up at him and say almost panicked, “I won’t tell him anything. I swear.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. How about this, you stay down here for a bit until you figure out what the fuck you told him. I’ll be back.” He smirks and I watch him go back upstairs.

I sigh and let my head hang again, why the fuck wasn’t he believing me. He must just be torturing me at this point, not caring if he heard the truth or not. I look at my wrist tied tight and try tugging on my arm but nothing happens. I sigh again and look around, this was going to be miserable, hopefully he wouldn’t leave me down here all night. I couldn’t imagine sleeping like this, way too uncomfortable.

After god knows how long someone comes down, I’m worried that it’s my dad but it’s not, it’s one of his servants. They eye me sadly before cutting the rope. I stand eyeing them before rubbing my wrist before heading upstairs with them. I know better than to run, it would make things much worse to the point where he might go try and find Kankri. Maybe if I could just find a phone and call Kankri, tell him to get out of town or something. I just need to get some message to him some how, tell him not to freak out that I wouldn’t be home for a while. Kankri was going to flip his shit when I don’t come home or even when I do finally go home.

I look around, I guess I was downstairs for a while since it got really dark out. I look around before spotting a maid who looks at me before averting her eyes and scurries off. I sigh and look at the servant who had stopped in front of the dining room.

“Your father said to cut you loose and feed you. After that we’re to clean you up and take you to your old bedroom where you are to stay for the night.” The servant says, gesturing for me to go sit down in front of the plate.

I do go sit down on and start to eat, it occurred to me that I haven’t even eaten anything all day. It was really good food, I forgot how good my dad’s chef. I soon finish and look at the servant who stood by the door, I wanted them to ask if I wanted more but he doesn’t. He tells me to go get cleaned up in the bathroom. I sigh, going to the bathroom, closing the door and examining the new damage done to my face. My eye was swollen, I knew by tomorrow morning it would be completely swollen shut. My nose was obviously broken, no doubt about it. I wince, grinding my teeth as I snap it back into place. After that I decide to take a shower, taking as long as I want just to annoy the servant. When I get out of the shower I put my clothes back in and head out and to my room. I sigh and lay down on the bed with a sigh and soon fall asleep.

I wake up the next morning to someone banging on the door. I sigh and pull the blankets over my head but the banging just doesn’t stop. I huff and look around the room a bit confused but I soon understand that last night was not a dream. I sigh and get up, going over and swinging the door open so it bangs against the wall. The servant looks surprised by that but what did he expect.

“You’re being summoned for breakfast.” He says, stepping back to let me go by.

I sigh and head to the dining room, sitting at the table where my father was already eating his breakfast. Soon a small portion of food was set in front of me, I stare at it for a few seconds before starting to eat. I can feel my dad’s eyes on me and I don’t look at him, after a while he clears his throat.

“We’ve got a busy day.” He says and I can feel his smirk.

I still don’t look at him as I say quietly, “Sure, I expect nothing less.”

He shouts at a servant that he wants more coffee before turning to look at me again, “Now my little motherfucker, you’re the one who fucked up and now I just have to make sure of what’s going on. Put you back under my thumb.”

“Why do you hate me so much?” I look at him seriously.

It actually looks like I’ve thrown him off because of the look he gives me and the fact that it takes him a few seconds to come up with an answer, “I don’t hate you, we just share a special bond and secret. I know what it’s done to you but it needs to stay buried, you think I’d keep you around if I didn’t like you even just a little? Think about it Kurloz, I don’t put that much into Gamzee as I do you. You’re the one who is going to take over my business and that’s going to be it. That is your destiny.” He smirks, “That’s all you’re ever going to do with your life.”

“I don’t want to take over the business. I don’t want to be involved.” I watch him closely as I say this and before he can say anything I continue, “Why can’t you give it to Gamzee? He seems to be a better fit for you. He’s more like you.” 

“I’m giving it to you when it comes time and that’s that. Gamzee doesn’t have a clear motherfucking head.” He snaps. “Be fucking grateful you’re getting to work with me rather than living on the motherfucking street begging for change, you ungrateful fucker.”

I shut up and watch his get up and leave the room, a servant following him. I sigh softly and push at the food on my plate but it’s taken away from me and I stand up, knocking the chair over, not bothering to pick it back up. I follow the servant into the kitchen, ignoring when they say I can’t be in here and go right over to the fridge, opening it up. I look over the contents of the fridge for a second before I feel a hand grabbing my arm tightly. I try to pull away as I look at who is grabbing me. I sigh as the servant holding my arm pulls me along to the basement.

I expect to be put back into the chair but instead my hands are chained together above my head. The servant pulls me so I have to stand on my tip toes if I don’t want to hang by my wrists. I glare at him, grinding my teeth when he leaves. I look up at the chain above me and wrap my hands around it and try to tug on it but it doesn’t do much.

My dad soon comes down and smirks at me, going to sit in a chair in front of me. I hated him right now but there is nothing I can do about it, he could kill me if he really wanted to, but he was just making this as fun for him as he could and I knew that. He lights his cigar and leans forward slightly, looking me up and down. I could only stare back, I knew that today I couldn’t do anything wrong or it would get worse. I needed to submit rather than try and ask questions or try to stand up for myself. I didn’t want to do this again.

“Now tell me, have you even spoken to your motherfucker?” He smirks, I knew he took enjoyment in me going mute, I know he thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world.

“No. I don’t talk to anyone.” I say with a sigh.

“He ain’t never heard you say a word?” He says and I just shake my head. “I’m glad when I told you to keep your trap shut about your mother you took that to mean to shut up entirely. Talk about twisting words.” He smirks.

“Why did you even do it?” I ask very hesitant, after all these years I still didn’t know why he killed her, I’ve always theorized about it when it started to torture my thoughts.

He sits back, taking a long drag from his cigar and narrows his eyes at me before responding. “Do what?”

I readjust myself slightly, “Why...” I could feel the panic start building in my chest and ask quietly, “Why did you kill mom?”

He takes another long drag as if he was contemplating even answering me or not. He gets up and comes over to me and grabs my chin and makes me look up at him, “She was threatening to take you boys away from me and go to the cops and tell them what I was doing at work and whatever else.” He stares down at my face for a few seconds before letting go and walking out of my sight, “Nothing is going to take you and your brother away from me. That’s why this needs to stay buried. You two will always be mine and nothing is going to take you away. Especially some skank.”

It takes me a few seconds to come up to with my next question, “Did you even love her?”

I watch as a cloud of smoke comes from behind me, “That ain’t none of your business.” He says as a growl.

I swallow hard and try to look behind me to see what he was doing. It’s kind of funny, at that moment I wasn’t scared, I was just ready for anything. “You aren’t worried that you’ll lose me by doing this to me?”

After a moment he puts a hand on my back, “I just need answers and this is how I get them. You won’t tell me what I want to hear by me doing this.”

I don’t answer as he comes around so I can see him again. I look at him for a few seconds, “Ask something then, you aren’t doing shit other than letting me ask all the questions. If you just want to talk then let me go and we can go talk otherwise do something.” 

He smirks, “You were always braver than your brother. You were willing to question me when you were younger but that all stopped after mother, you became a wimp.” He seems to have an idea and the smirk gets bigger. “I bet the little motherfucker at home is worried, maybe I should send him a text from your phone telling him to come here so I can meet the motherfucker.”

I can feel my face drop, “Don’t you fucking dare. He’s staying out of this.” My eyes narrow at him, “If you hurt him, I’ll fucking kill you.”

He chuckles darkly, flicking the end of his cigar before taking a long drag, “Glad to see you still have some motherfucking Makara genes in you. Ordering others around.” He steps closer to me, “Too bad it don’t work on me. I give the orders around me.” With that I feel his fist connect with my side and I can’t help but gasp at the sudden pain. “Don’t ever try that again.”

I swallow hard trying to hold back yelling at him, I’d take all the pain if it meant keeping Kankri out of this. Kankri was going to be safe even if that meant that I was going to be beaten to a pulp. I glare at him, gritting my teeth.

“Now, what’s his name again?” He says unfazed by anything.

“You don’t need to know his name.” I say as strong as I could, so much for my submit idea.

“I think I motherfucking do.” I feel his fist connect my my abdomen and I can’t help but feel sick by that. When I don’t say anything he punches me again and again and again until I cry out finally. “Speak.” He smirks.

“I’m not telling you anything about him. I haven’t told him anything about you or what you fucking did.” I say trying to catch my breath.

“You’re going to tell me anything I want by the time I’m done with you.” He growls and grabs me by the shirt collar, pulling me a bit closer. My arms were killing me already from catching me from falling with each strong punch. “What is his fucking name.” He demands.

I clench my teeth and that only earns a growl and a few punches, I felt like if I wasn’t hanging here I’d be on the ground and wouldn’t be able to get back up. I felt powerless and that’s exactly what he wanted but I still felt like I could keep things from him if I really wanted to. After him asking me multiple times, not getting answers and receiving punches, he decides that isn’t enough. I was shaking as I let my head hang, the pain was getting unbearable and I knew soon I’d snap and that would be it, everything would come out, I was used to getting punched from fights at school but this was completely different.

“I’ll give you one last chance.” He says holding his cigar, it looked like he was deciding whether or not to take a drag from it or be done with it.

When I don’t say anything, he presses the cigar end into my arm, the searing, burning pain makes me cry out, tears start streaming as I try to pull away but I can’t. He holds it there for what feels like forever before pulling it off, I was panting and shaking hard now, so much hurt and there was nothing I could do. He throws the cigar to the side, it now being out, before turning to me.

“What is that motherfuckers name?” He shouts and I wince. 

“K-Kankri...” I say quietly, I let my head hang in defeat.

“Kankri what.” He asks with a growl.

I swallow hard, “V-Vantas.” I was scared he’d recognize the name.

“I know that fucking name... How the fuck do I know it?” He ponders it for a few minutes before he asks, “Did you tell that motherfucker anything I should know about?”

When I don’t answer, he pulls up my shirt to reveal my bruising skin and I see a lighter being pulled out from his pocket. I try to pull away before I could though, it was lit and on my skin. I let out a scream as I answer him, “Stop! I don’t talk about you or anything! Stop!”

He pulls away the lighter and lets my shirt go before nodding and leaving without a word. When I hear the door pull shut I can’t help but start crying hard. I didn’t think he would ever come to burning me. I couldn’t stand on my feet so I was just hanging by my aching arms. I could only think of how much I’d rather be back home with Kankri, holding him tightly so I knew he was safe. But was he safe anymore?

I don’t know how long I was down there but all I did know that I eventually stopped crying but all the pain was still there. My father comes back down and looks at me, I just let my head hang rather than try to look at the man. He sits down in the chair and I can feel him staring at me but I just can’t do anything other than just hang here. I had no will in me at the moment, I was broken.

After a few minutes he says, “That’s all I need to know. If you do anything to compromise me or my life in anyways, he’ll end up like your little friend or dead. Understand?” I nod weakly and I hear him get up and leave the room.

The next time someone comes down they unlock the chains and I fall to the ground. I groan slightly, everything was hurting and I just didn’t want to move. They bring me upstairs and into the bathroom where they clean me up and take care of the burn wounds, wrapping them carefully. I was shaking to bad to even move, I didn’t even look at who ever was in the room with me, I didn’t care enough anymore.

When they’re done someone picks me up and brings me to my bedroom and sets me into bed, at that point I can actually see it’s my dad, but when he looks at me, I close my eyes. I feel him put the blankets over me carefully and put a hand on my forehead gently to push back my hair. I just lay there and I feel him kiss my forehead before he carefully sits on the side of my bed, I don’t bother opening my eyes, I was too exhausted and waiting for sleep to take me out of this place.

“You can go home in the morning.” He says gently and after a few seconds he says, “I love you, Kurloz. You are my boy and I’d like to see you another time without something like this happening.”

I hated how gentle and loving he could be sometimes, I just made all of this so much worse. I didn’t do anything over than try to calm my breathing. After a few more seconds he seems to think I fell asleep so he leaves quietly, closing the door just as quiet. I lay there for a while before eventually passing out into a dreamless night.

When I wake up the next morning, everything hurt and it was hard to get up. I leave my room, surprised there wasn’t anyone outside my room guarding it. I slowly make my way downstairs. I stop to catch my breath and I look around, I hear the television on in the living room so I quietly make my way to that room and see my dad sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels. I quietly go in and sit down on the edge of the recliner and he looks at me.

“Do you want some pain meds?” He asks, looking me over and I nod.

To my surprise he actually gets up and leaves the room, coming back a minute later with some pills and a glass of water. I take the pills and put them in my mouth before taking the water and drinking it. He takes the empty glass and puts it on the table before sitting down on the couch again, looking at me.

“Are you hungry? You didn’t get to eat anything yesterday.” He asks.

I shake my head and clear my throat before saying quietly, “Can I just go home?”

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” He asks with a small frown, “It’s almost noon.”

“I slept that long?” I ask finally looking at him.

“Yeah, got you in bed around eleven and it’s eleven forty-six.” He says watching me closely. “Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

“I guess I’ll eat something...” I say after a few seconds.

“Alright, how about a sandwich or something?” He says and I nod slightly, “Alright, I’ll go get it.”

He stands up and leaves me alone in the room and I sit back in the chair, clenching my teeth as I try to get comfortable. When he comes back into the room he has a plate and a glass of soda. I take the plate and he sets the glass on the table. I rubs just above the burn on my arm with a sigh.

“How’s your arm?” He asks with a frown.

“Hurts.” I say with a sigh as I pick up the sandwich and start eating it, being slow about eating. 

He nods slightly, “Those pain pills should kick in soon and you won’t be as sore.”

We sit in silence as I slowly eat, trying not to over do it. I was actually starved and I didn’t even notice it over the pain I was feeling. But the pain was slowly starting to go away. When the pain is just bearable I sit on the edge of the chair and takes a drink of the soda before looking at my dad who was watching television.

“Can I take some of those pills to go?” I ask quietly.

“Sure, you want to go now or take a day before you go back?” He watches me closely.

I think about it for a moment before looking at him, “I kinda just want to go home... Kankri is probably really worried.”

He nods slightly, “Alright, do you want to go now?” I nod and he gets up and leaves the room. He comes back with a baggie with some few pills which I assume is the pain pills he gave me earlier. 

“Thank you.” I say standing up and taking the pills and sliding them into my pocket.

He nods and gently kisses my forehead, “Make sure not to take them before four hours are up, okay? Don’t want you to OD.” 

I nod and look up at him and soon someone brings me my sweatshirt that I was wearing when they brought me in. I carefully put it on with the help of my father and he pulls my phone out of his pocket and hands it to me. I take it and see if it has any power and it doesn’t so I slide it into my pocket. I look at him and he puts his finger to his lips in a shushing motion before putting a hand on my back.

“Car should be out front to bring you home.” He says.

I nod and head out front and sure enough there is a car waiting for me. I carefully get into it and close my eyes, keeping them closed until I feel the car stop. When I open them I see that we are in front of my apartment building. I see three cars I recognize but don’t give much thought as I get out of the car and head up to my apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

I stare at the door for a minute, I can hear some talking behind the door, I can’t tell exactly who it is. After taking a deep breath I pull out the keys from my coat and start unlocking the door but it’s whipped open and I stare shocked at Kankri who just stares back. I offer a small smile, I can tell he’s been crying recently. He takes a step closer and hugs me tightly and it makes me gasp and I push him back slightly and he looks up at me shocked.

“Kurloz?” Kankri says, taking in my face, I’m sure I looked battered.

I put a hand on his shoulder and look back to see faces peering out at me. Mituna, who was frowning, Latula, Porrim, and Cronus all stare at me worriedly. Seeing Cronus ignites a fury, he’s the reason all of this happened. I walk past Kankri and stand in front of Cronus, everyone just watches me. I stare him down, narrowing my eyes slightly before punching him again in the face. 

Cronus puts a hand over his eyes, “You fucker!”

He looks at me and tackles me slightly. We both fall to the floor but I gasp, feeling everything ten fold. When he off me slightly, I hold my side, holy fuck everything hurt again.

“What the hell?” Kankri shouts. “What is going on?”

Mituna pushes Cronus away from me before dropping to his knees beside me. “Fucking fishdick. All you do is fuck things up and fucking douche.” Mituna starts rambling and puts his hand on my arm but I pull away and he looks even more worried. “What the fuck?”

“See, I told you there was something wrong with him Kankri.” Porrim says sitting Cronus down and rushing to get an ice bag for him.

Soon everyone was trying to talk over each other. I reach over and grip Mituna’s arm pulling him close and he stops and looks at me seriously. I take a deep breath and he helps me sit up and I pull him close.

“My dad...” I whisper and he pulls back and looks at me before looking angry.

“Will everyone just shut the fuck up!” Mituna shouts and helps me slowly to my feet. When everyone does and looks at him Mituna looks everyone over, “For fucks sakes you guys take a fucking chill pill.”

Mituna grabs my arm and pulls me towards the bedroom. I follow holding my side and Kankri follows us, I’m not sure why he does but he does. Mituna sits me down on the bed and stares me down for a few seconds before looking at Kankri.

“He’s hurt you know.” Mituna says before looking at me. “Where?”

I gesture to my chest, abdomen, arms, and shoulders. Mituna nods and pulls gently at my sweatshirt, I glance at Kankri before shaking my head. I didn’t want Kankri to see how bad this all could be.

“You’re hurt? From the fall with Cronus?” Kankri steps closer to me. “Kurloz, what happened to you? I was so scared when you didn’t come home. I started asking around and nobody knew where you were... I just... What happened?”

I look at Mituna before looking at Kankri and patting the bed beside me. Kankri sits down beside me and I kiss his temple. He looks at me worried and I look at Mituna who comes over to my other side and sits down, he watches me before sighing and putting his head on my shoulder. I knew that Mituna had a lot of questions but he knew I wouldn’t answer any in front of Kankri. I slide my arm around Kankri’s back and around Mituna’s.

“Why won’t you answer me Kurloz? I was terrified, I deserve answers.” Kankri says looking up at me.

I sigh and close my eyes and set my head against his.

“Leave him alone Kankri, he’s tired.” Mituna snaps.

I sigh through my nose and rubs Mituna’s back slightly and he settles down. I look at the door to see Porrim standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. I watch her for a second before gently rubbing Kankri’s back, when he looks at me I point to Porrim. Kankri looks over at her before getting up and going over to her, they talk quietly together and I look at Mituna. Mituna gently grabs my sweatshirt and I shake my head and he frowns.

“How bad is it?” He asks with a frown.

I stare at him for a few second before sighing and signing, ‘Bad.’

Mituna frowns more and quickly pulls it up and before I could stop him and he gasps. I hadn’t checked how black and blue I was this morning but I guess it was bad. I pull the sweatshirt back down quickly with a frown and stand up. I cross my arms over my chest and look at Mituna.

“Jesus Kurloz.” Mituna says and the other two look at Mituna and I.

“What’s the matter?” Kankri frowns and comes over slightly.

“He’s fucking black and blue!” Mituna says gesturing to me.

I can feel my face pale slightly, was he that worried that he’d actually say something? It can’t be that fucking bad. It was never that bad.

“What do you mean?” Kankri frowns at Mituna before looking at me, “What does he mean?”

I don’t move, I just stare at the bed until Mituna gets up. I look at him with a frown and I step so my back is against the wall. Kankri frowns and Mituna goes to grab for me but I push his hands away. He frowns and keeps coming at me and I grab both of his wrists and he frowns.

“Knock it the fuck off.” Mituna frowns, “Jesus fuck.”

I can’t help but mouth stop to him but he just ignores it and continues to fight me on this. After a few seconds Kankri comes over to me and I move away, keeping a firm grip on Mituna’s wrists. I really wished they would both stop, this was just stupid. I sigh through my nose, narrowing my eyes at Mituna before pushing him back onto the bed and turning to Kankri.

‘I don’t want to be touched.’ I sign to him which makes him frown.

“Kurloz, just let me see, I don’t think Mituna would have said anything if it wasn’t bad. Please just let me see.” Kankri steps closer and I gently grab his wrists. “Kurloz... Please let go of me.”

When I shake my head I see Porrim come more into the room with a frown. All of a sudden I was just exhausted again. I feel my sweatshirt being lifted and I immediately slap Mituna’s hands away. When I look at him, I’m frowning and so is he.

I hear Kankri sigh, “Everyone please leave the room.” When Mituna and Porrim leave the room, Kankri closes the door and looks at me, “What is going on Kurloz? You are acting so strange, I have never seen you act like this. It can’t be that bad, please just let me see.”

I look away and go and sit on the bed, was I really acting different? Well I was hurt and I didn’t like when people saw me hurt, I never liked it. Even if I was bleeding I would fight to take care of it myself. I look down at my hands and soon Kankri is tilting my head up to look at him. He had a sad expression on his face.

“Please talk to me...” He says and I wrap my arms around him tightly, burying my face into his chest. “Kurloz?” He gently puts a hand on my shoulder. I really didn’t want to let go of him, I didn’t want him knowing what happened to me. The only reason I move away is because he gently pushed my shoulders back. “May I see?”

‘I don’t want you to see.’ I swallow hard before taking a deep breath, ‘I was taken and stuff happened but I’m back with you and that’s all that matters, right?’

“What do you mean you were taken? What happened? All of this matters to me Kurloz, I need to know what happened.” Kankri says softly.

I look away slightly before sighing trying to carefully pull my sweatshirt off, Kankri ends up helping me out of it. He grabs my bandaged arm and looks it over with a frown. I couldn’t look at him, especially after I took off my shirt to show off all the bruises that just looked like one big bruise. I guess it really is that bad. I look down at the floor and keep my gaze away from Kankri, even after I hear him gasp.

“Porrim!” Kankri pulls open the door.

I grit my teeth slightly and she comes in and I hear her gasp. I don’t look at anyone who enters the room at this point. I just sit there completely still, I couldn’t help but wish I could just turn invisible or be able to run. I hear whispers so I know the others are in here with us. Porrim very carefully touches my arm and starts to undo the bandage on my arm and gasps at the burn. I hear her mumble something under her breath before undoing the one on my chest.

“We need to get him to a hospital to be checked out.” Porrim says.

I look up wide eyed and shake my head, if they took me there that would be horrible. I wouldn’t get out of the car let alone get into it. I couldn’t tell anyone what happened, my dad told me that. Jesus, how fucked am I? I look down at the floor again.

“No fucking hospital.” I hear Mituna say as he comes over to me, “Great, you gave him a fucking panic attack.” He gets on the bed beside me and pulls me into a hug.

I let him do it since I couldn’t help but wonder if I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t even tell right now. I take a deep breath and take a chance to glance at Kankri, he was frowning and covering his mouth still, he looked like he was going to cry. I couldn’t look at him right now so I look away and focus on the floor again.

“We don’t know how bad this is, he could have internal bleeding or something-” Porrim starts.

“No fucking hospital.” Mituna says raising his voice.

Porrim huff, “What even happened?”

“He... He said he was taken and something happened...” Kankri says weakly.

“That doesn’t tell us much.” Latula says.

“Tells us squat.” Cronus frowns, I think he understands why I punched him now.

I swallow hard before Kankri comes over and gently takes my hands and I still don’t look at him, “Kurloz, you need to tell us what happened.”

I finally look at Mituna with a frown, Mituna frowns in return and sighs before saying, “He’s not going to tell you guys anything so just stop asking.”

“Why do you say that?” Kankri says asking sounding almost angrily, “He hasn’t even said anything! You don’t need to tell him what he can’t tell us!”

“I’m fucking not! You don’t fucking know him or what the fuck he went through!” Mituna shouts and the room goes quiet.

I look down with a frown, I felt like I couldn’t breath anymore. I get up and push people out of the way to get out of the room and head into the bathroom, closing and locking the door. I close my eyes and lean back against the door. I take a deep, shaky breath before letting my head hit the door. After a few seconds, I let myself slide down the door to sit on the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. I wince slightly and try to ignore the pain as I rest my forehead against my knees. I just wanted everyone to go away right now, I couldn’t take all the questions or bringing up my past or anything else. It was all just too much for me and I have no idea how to handle it.

Soon there is knocking that disrupts my thoughts and a small voice comes through, “Kurloz? Please open the door.” It was Kankri, he sounded even more upset. When I don’t open the door after a few seconds pass he sighs and says, “I’m sorry, I’m just really worried. This stuff just isn’t supposed to happen, it isn’t normal and I just don’t know exactly how I should be handling it. All my instincts are telling me to call the cops and get whoever did this to you arrested. I just want to help you and figure out what it is you need but you need to talk to me. Alright? Please just...” He sighs, “Please just talk to me, I just need information.”

After a few seconds I get up, wincing slightly and opening the door. I look out to see the faces peering at me so I grab Kankri’s wrist and pull him into the room and closes the door. I looks at Kankri and put a hand on his cheek and kiss him gently. He pulls back and looks up at me concerned and he gently grabs my arms.

“Please talk to me.” Kankri says gently.

I sigh and sign to him, ‘Too many people. I don’t want to make a big fuss over this, okay? I don’t want anyone to know, it’s very important that this stays quiet okay? It’s just because I don’t want you to get hurt, I’m going to protect you anyway I can, okay?’

“Protect me? Kurloz, you don’t have to protect me from anyone, I’m not in danger.” Kankri frowns, when I look down he tilts my head up to look at him. “I promise, I’m safe and your safe now.”

I smile sadly and shake my head, ‘I’m too selfish to let you go and it put you in danger. I was stupid to think I could keep you safe.’

“What do you mean by that?” Kankri sits on the edge of the tub, obviously thinking that this is going to be a long talk.

I sit in front on my knees in front of him and sigh softly trying to think about this clearly, “I’m always going to be a danger, there’s nothing I can do about that. I know that to keep you safe we shouldn’t be together and I really want to be with you. This is the first time I’ve felt free and like I can breath and be happy.’ 

“You keep saying that I’m not safe and that you’re trying to protect me but from who or what? I don’t understand Kurloz.” Kankri frowns at me.

I sigh and hugs Kankri around the waist, being careful of my arm as I lay my head against him. He sighs and gently starts petting my head, looking down at me. I close my eyes and try to relax the best I can, taking a deep breath. I nuzzle him slightly, I didn’t want to explain anything right now and I knew that bothered him but I just couldn’t.

Kankri leans down and kiss my head, “How about this, Porrim will help clean your wounds and then you can go to bed and relax, I’ll send people home. Then tomorrow we will talk about this, okay? I don’t think I’ll get anything from you right now seeing how upset you are. Sound like a plan?”

I look up at Kankri and sign, ‘I want to be with you.’

“I’ll sit in bed with you while you rest, okay?” He says softly, petting my hair back and I nod. “Alright, I’m going to go get Porrim to clean the wounds and get you settled and I’ll send Latula and Mituna home, okay?”

Without waiting for my response he carefully pulls away from my embrace and gets up, being careful to not hurt me. I watch him leave the room and soon I hear a raised voice and I sigh quietly, I knew Mituna would be really upset by this but I’m sure he’ll understand later. He usually always does. I shift so my back is against the side of the tub and pull my legs to my chest, ignoring the pain again. Just after I rest my chin on my knees the door opens and Porrim comes in with a look of pity that makes my eyes drop. I don’t like that look and I sure as hell hope it’s not one that sticks around.

She grabs the first aid kit and kneels in front of me and starts to dig through it, glancing at me. “I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope your okay.” I nod slightly knowing sign language is a waste on her for the most part. Seeing my nod she continues, “What made these burns?”

I look away obviously not wanting to talk about it. She sighs and I look over to see what she was doing. She had managed to find a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and gauze pads that she could clean my wounds with. She gently takes my arm and tells me it might sting as she presses it gently to the burn and starts to clean it. For the most part I didn’t move much because I was used to pain, or at least to a point. I was in control of the pain or as much as I could be. She wraps my arm before moving to my chest but she just kind of stops and stares at my chest. After a few seconds she looks down and starts preparing everything to clean the burn on my chest. I move forward which surprises her slightly but it was only to make it all easier for her. I look to the side as she cleans the burn.

The door opens and I look to see Kankri standing there quietly, “Mituna won’t leave until he talks to you.”

I nod and when Porrim is done wrapping it I go into the bedroom, Mituna at my heels. I grab my shirt and look at Mituna, ‘Can I just text you and tell you everything you wanna know later? I don’t really want to talk about it now.’

Mituna frowns at me for a moment before sighing and nodding, “Yeah, fine, whatever. I’m just...” He seems to struggle with finding his words, “Whatever happened I want to know. I’ll be mad at you if you don’t tell me.” He frowns and I nod, reaching out to take his hand for a second before dropping it. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

I nod and he sighs and leaves the room and I look at Kankri who was standing in the doorway with a frown. I drop my eyes to my shirt and after a second awkwardly put it on and look up to look at Kankri but he’s gone. After a few seconds I go sit on the bed and lay down on my back. I listen to Kankri say goodbye to people and soon he comes into the room, a book under his arm and he smiles sadly at me. He sets the book down and sits down next to me.

“Will I get to know what happened?” He asks almost timidly.

I look at him and can’t help but stop and think about it for a second before hesitantly nodding. Maybe I’ll tell him when my father dies, whenever that is. Should be safe then, right? I try not to think about it anymore and close my eyes with a deep breath. After a while I open my eyes and look at Kankri, he had laid down and was on his side looking at me sadly. I reach over and put a hand on his cheek for a few seconds before gently taking his hand and kissing it. He smiles slightly and I pat the bed closer to me and after a few seconds he gets closer, being careful not to hurt me as he rests his head on my shoulder. I wrap my arm around him with a small smile and kiss his forehead.

 

“I love you, Kurloz.” He says softly as he carefully drapes his arm across me but after a second pulls it away.

‘I love you so much.’ I sign to him and he sighs softly.

We sit in silence for a while before he falls asleep and I kiss his forehead and whisper almost silently, “I really love you Kankri.”

After that I close my eyes and eventually I fall asleep.


End file.
